Granny Zaglin's Spaghetti Sauce

Level of Difficulty - Intermediate

Ken Zaglin was my college roommate for a couple years til he turned weird on me. In all fairness, I probably turned weird on him as well. In fact, I think the biggest reason we became friends was because when we stood next to each we looked like an ad for Smith Brother's cough drops, it was the Seventies and Smith Brothers were cool in an anarchistic way.

In any event, this recipe was passed to us from his mother who got it from her mother who got from her mother who brought it from the old country, home of all great spaghetti sauces, Poland.

Step 1:
Chop up the following:
1 Onion (slices approx. 1/8" x 1")
1 Green Pepper - NO SEEDS (slices 1/8" x length of the pepper)
1 Whole Clove of Garlic (too much garlic is a contradiction in terms)
2 Stalks of Celery (sliced 1/4"-1/2")

Step 2:
In the biggest goddam pot you have, cover the bottom with Olive Oil. This means just cover it - no more. If a monkey could swim in there, pour some off. Apply a high heat. When the oil is hot, throw in the garlic and stir quickly.

Tip 1: You can tell if the oil is hot by throwing a little grain of garlic in it. If it sizzles, its ready. If the oil is bubbling its way too hot. Either turn it down a bit and wait for it cool a little or if the oil actually burned, toss it and start over.)

When the garlic is browned (not black) throw the rest of the shit in there and turn the heat down to medium. Stir more or less vigorously. I don't know what that means, more or less vigorously, just don't let the veggies burn.

When the onions turn clear add the following:

1 Can of Tomato Paste
2 Cans of Tomato Sauce

And add a bissel* of the following:

Salt, Black Pepper, Sugar, Oregano, and Basil
Also if you have it - 1 Bay Leaf.

Add your meatballs or sausage or whatever you're doing with the sauce. Cover and turn the heat to the lowest possible temperature and simmer for about a month and a half. Seriously, the longer the better. Its edible in a few hours but really good after 6 or 8 hours. When you can't find any of the vegetables you started with, its done. Its even better tomorrow.

Serves 50-60
This is smallest portion size possible

*Bissel - A bissel is a Yiddish term with no clear meaning. Think of it as a little bit. My grandmother sometimes used it to describe a pinch of something that would fit into the crevice of her palm. Sometimes it was a couple of cups. It was all relative to the portion size she was cooking.

Tip 2 - Simmering foods for long periods melds all the flavors together. You will want to add more salt, pepper, oregano, basil, garlic, etc. to suit your taste. So check it every few hours and add as you go but remember that all the flavors generally become more intense the longer you cook it.

Tip 3 - To reheat be sure to cover the bottom of the pan with olive oil again.